Dat 9-to-5 Life

     Spoiler Alert: Following your destiny is not easy. It's not like the movies.

     Or at least not for me.

She is me.

     I had these notions when I got this job that it would be everything I thought I was missing in my life; a fresh perspective, something I'd be crazy passionate for--and that I'd blossom into a better version of myself. Kinda like Nia Vardalos in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

The only problem was real life has challenges. Things I had to learn and work out. Things studying and going to school didn't really prepare me for.

When I received the call that I got the job, I decided to jump in and start as soon as I could. I was so excited I didn't really know what to expect. The last office job I worked at was an internship that lasted nine months before I decided I wanted to focus on college full time. The truth is I felt like I couldn't handle it. I didn't understand my role and felt out of place. It wasn't my employers fault, it was me. I didn't know how to handle any of it, so I thought by quitting I was doing myself a favor. I think what I could've learned then would've helped me adjust in my job now; but as the saying goes, hindsight is always 20/20.

My first day was overwhelming. Though, I slept better than I expected (before the first day of my internship I hadn't slept a wink and I paid for it). With my main mode of transportation being the bus, I opted for an early bus which according to the schedule would get me there about a half hour before I was supposed to start. Since school was out at the time, the bus got me there a full hour early (even though I got off a few stops before to try kill time). I was embarrassed at my early start, but my boss decided to give me a tour of the facilities which quickly ate up the time.

I was introduced to every inch of the grounds--from the electricity rooms to the back gates, the edge of the property and the bowels of the sanctuary. I did my best to absorb what I could as I knew it would all be important. Two storage rooms and six classrooms later, I finally took my post in the front office.

My boss worked at a standing desk, which meant I would be working at a standing desk for the time being. My feet and lower back ached as my boss showed me some of the daily operational computer work I'd be performing. This also included using our very larger printer, which basically does everything short of cooking you a delicious steak dinner (it was just okay). But like most delicate geniuses, it has trouble dealing with less intelligent life forms like myself as I would find out later.

My main task for the day was preparing mail outs for an election. Simple, right? If you're a normal, confident, healthy person, yes. For an emotional-wreck who's been on her feet all day, it's a nightmare. The task was such that I had to put certain forms from a list of high lit names in some packets and not in others. Keeping track of all that (in the state I was in) was hellish. Confusion and butterfingers quickly set in. My boss's wife, seeing my struggle, put together an assembly line while I stuffed the envelopes.

My day ended with stuffing the last envelope and acquiring at least five paper cuts. My boss's wife urged me to head out as I would miss my 5:10 pm bus home. I quickly left the office, still a little shell-shocked. I was home in an hour, and as soon as I walked in the door, I broke down crying. I don't really know why. I did this for three weeks. Even four months later I still cry sometimes.

It's not that I hated my job, but it was a huge adjustment--not just for me but my family. I went from an at home schedule of chores and helping raise my kids to eight hours behind a desk, working with people I didn't really know and doing things I was unsure I knew I could do. I missed my home and my family and the familiarity.

One of the hardest lessons I learned was being responsible, not just for myself. In school you learn if you don't do something, it's on you. If you don't do something at work, the burden affects others. Even though my role is comparatively small compared to that of my coworkers, it was a concept I had to get my head around. It's not some group project where you can shoulder as little or as much work as you want--you depend on others and they depend on you. Everything is not always in your control. This is something I'm still getting used to.

And with this, my lifestyle changed. I'm in bed by 10:00 pm, I'm up by 6:00 am. I'm on the bus at 8:15 am and in the office by 9:00 am. Eating and exercising have been my weakest points thus far. When I do eat, it's in large quantities since I don't eat much when I'm at work or for breakfast in the morning. Sometimes it's just too busy to eat at all. So eating what I want is justified.

As I wrote in my previous post, I exercise once a week, if I'm lucky. It's normally on a Sunday night, motivated by guilt of not working out all week long. It's usually strenuous, which means I'm out of commission for a few days until the pain subsides. I'm too tired to exercise in the morning and even more tired at night. It's a sick cycle.

Keep believing! Don't upset Journey!

But I'm not giving up. Not on my job, nor my health. The thing that's carried me through all this has been my faith. Faith that God has a plan for me, and all this is part of it. I know that everything I'm learning is a stepping stone toward my greater life purpose and everything happening is for a reason.

As long as I keep believing, I am exactly where I need to be.

Amen and Amen,
The Daughter