Dat 9-to-5 Life

     Spoiler Alert: Following your destiny is not easy. It's not like the movies.

     Or at least not for me.

She is me.

     I had these notions when I got this job that it would be everything I thought I was missing in my life; a fresh perspective, something I'd be crazy passionate for--and that I'd blossom into a better version of myself. Kinda like Nia Vardalos in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

The only problem was real life has challenges. Things I had to learn and work out. Things studying and going to school didn't really prepare me for.

When I received the call that I got the job, I decided to jump in and start as soon as I could. I was so excited I didn't really know what to expect. The last office job I worked at was an internship that lasted nine months before I decided I wanted to focus on college full time. The truth is I felt like I couldn't handle it. I didn't understand my role and felt out of place. It wasn't my employers fault, it was me. I didn't know how to handle any of it, so I thought by quitting I was doing myself a favor. I think what I could've learned then would've helped me adjust in my job now; but as the saying goes, hindsight is always 20/20.

My first day was overwhelming. Though, I slept better than I expected (before the first day of my internship I hadn't slept a wink and I paid for it). With my main mode of transportation being the bus, I opted for an early bus which according to the schedule would get me there about a half hour before I was supposed to start. Since school was out at the time, the bus got me there a full hour early (even though I got off a few stops before to try kill time). I was embarrassed at my early start, but my boss decided to give me a tour of the facilities which quickly ate up the time.

I was introduced to every inch of the grounds--from the electricity rooms to the back gates, the edge of the property and the bowels of the sanctuary. I did my best to absorb what I could as I knew it would all be important. Two storage rooms and six classrooms later, I finally took my post in the front office.

My boss worked at a standing desk, which meant I would be working at a standing desk for the time being. My feet and lower back ached as my boss showed me some of the daily operational computer work I'd be performing. This also included using our very larger printer, which basically does everything short of cooking you a delicious steak dinner (it was just okay). But like most delicate geniuses, it has trouble dealing with less intelligent life forms like myself as I would find out later.

My main task for the day was preparing mail outs for an election. Simple, right? If you're a normal, confident, healthy person, yes. For an emotional-wreck who's been on her feet all day, it's a nightmare. The task was such that I had to put certain forms from a list of high lit names in some packets and not in others. Keeping track of all that (in the state I was in) was hellish. Confusion and butterfingers quickly set in. My boss's wife, seeing my struggle, put together an assembly line while I stuffed the envelopes.

My day ended with stuffing the last envelope and acquiring at least five paper cuts. My boss's wife urged me to head out as I would miss my 5:10 pm bus home. I quickly left the office, still a little shell-shocked. I was home in an hour, and as soon as I walked in the door, I broke down crying. I don't really know why. I did this for three weeks. Even four months later I still cry sometimes.

It's not that I hated my job, but it was a huge adjustment--not just for me but my family. I went from an at home schedule of chores and helping raise my kids to eight hours behind a desk, working with people I didn't really know and doing things I was unsure I knew I could do. I missed my home and my family and the familiarity.

One of the hardest lessons I learned was being responsible, not just for myself. In school you learn if you don't do something, it's on you. If you don't do something at work, the burden affects others. Even though my role is comparatively small compared to that of my coworkers, it was a concept I had to get my head around. It's not some group project where you can shoulder as little or as much work as you want--you depend on others and they depend on you. Everything is not always in your control. This is something I'm still getting used to.

And with this, my lifestyle changed. I'm in bed by 10:00 pm, I'm up by 6:00 am. I'm on the bus at 8:15 am and in the office by 9:00 am. Eating and exercising have been my weakest points thus far. When I do eat, it's in large quantities since I don't eat much when I'm at work or for breakfast in the morning. Sometimes it's just too busy to eat at all. So eating what I want is justified.

As I wrote in my previous post, I exercise once a week, if I'm lucky. It's normally on a Sunday night, motivated by guilt of not working out all week long. It's usually strenuous, which means I'm out of commission for a few days until the pain subsides. I'm too tired to exercise in the morning and even more tired at night. It's a sick cycle.

Keep believing! Don't upset Journey!

But I'm not giving up. Not on my job, nor my health. The thing that's carried me through all this has been my faith. Faith that God has a plan for me, and all this is part of it. I know that everything I'm learning is a stepping stone toward my greater life purpose and everything happening is for a reason.

As long as I keep believing, I am exactly where I need to be.

Amen and Amen,
The Daughter

Kung Fu Musings (An Update)

PC: IMDB

What's up?! (I know what you're thinking..."'What's up?!' After months of being away and her opening line is 'What's up?!'" There's every reason for you to stop reading at my terrible opening line, but I urge you, read on!)

So the last time we met, I had just gotten my new job! There's SO much to talk about with that, but I'll save that for a later post. Let's begin by saying I've been working out as much as I have been updating this blog--well, maybe a tiny bit more than that. I would say once a week if I'm lucky, but very light. I did lose much of the strength I had when I was exercising 2-3 times a week, which I found shocking and really painful! It took me a day or two to recover from simple chores like weed whacking. It hurt my pride. And my body.

After months of virtual atrophy, me and Tee decided to try a video I found on youtube: "Shaolin Kung Fu Basic Moves 1" uploaded by Shaolin kung fu (3 years ago, if you were wondering). Why? Because of "Invincible Shaolin"!

Another fun fact about Tee: she's a Shaw Brother's Kung Fu movie fan. Of course, it's easy to love any and all martial arts movies--they're so cool.We saw our first Shaw Brother's movie years ago on public access television called "The Crippled Avengers" (don't let the title deter you, it's simply amazing). The fluidity of the movements, awesome fight sequences and entertaining story lines are enough to capture anyone's interest. One of my favorite parts of kung fu movies is the iconic training

"Crippled Avengers" a.k.a "The Return of the 5 Deadly Venoms"

scene. The old sifu makes the heroes fight their way out of wooden boxes, balance on narrow posts and perform three finger push ups until their skills are good enough to counter the opponents. The heroes' initial failures are necessary for them to improve until they master their specialty kung fu. That could be me. I can be the hero(ine).

So I searched. First I looked up the original martial arts icon: Bruce Lee. His training, diet, philosophy, whatever I could find. One source I read revealed his diet was basically what we know as "eating clean" today with lots of protein and good carbohydrates. He focused on how much nutrition he could derive from a meal instead of eating empty calories. His training consisted of weight training and cardio, with an emphasis on listening to your body as opposed to over-training. Don't train so hard you can't do any kind of work out the next day.

With all that in mind, I decided to look for any beginning kung fu videos and stumbled on the one I talked about earlier. I previewed it last night, and the sifu talked about the importance of having a good foundation. Not just in kung fu, but in anything you want to be proficient at in life. It truly spoke to me. Mastering the basics and returning to them often is what will bring success. What we were learning in the video would take a year and a half to two years of practice before you could do anything else.

Going in, tonight I thought would be day one of 1.5 years of kung fu basic training. I was wrong. Tee and I got through roughly 12 minutes of the 47 minute video before deciding we need to work up to basic kung fu moves via other exercise videos. I don't know what could have prepared us for this. Then it dawned on me that any consistent movement over the past four months definitely would've helped.

I haven't given up on being a kung fu heroine yet. But I need to start with the basic basics before moving on to the kung fu basics--that is, any movement for at least 30 minutes, and at least decent nutrition if I can't get really good nutrition. I've decided for the next five days to try to eat as cleanly as possible and exercise twice this week. But it's all talk until you do it!

Up next: my (poor) adjustment to my new 9-5 lifestyle.

Wishing you love and good health,
The Daughter

P.S. Here's the video:

Fit in Spirit UPDATE

PC:Year27

     Kids, I don't know what to say. About an hour and a half after posting my first blog yesterday, I got a phone call at exactly 11:00 in the morning (that I didn't pick up*). The message was from an employer I interviewed for a few weeks ago (hours after the interview Tee found the same job listing on Craigslist, so I didn't have my hopes up) asking if I was interested in the job and when I could start! I accepted and am officially employed come Monday morning.

     So here's the story:
     To be exact, on Wednesday I picked up E-Squared and began to read. After some time, I asked God for a rather specific sign, but later changed it to a general blessing. Anything. Anything that would make me know this is all true. So I sent that out into the universe at 6 that evening.
   
     The next day I got a phone call from a temping agency I signed for spur-of-the moment. I have every respect in the world for those in that field, but knew it wasn't quite right for me--I initially applied for a part-time job downtown through this agency. The hours were around the same as a dear friend of mine that also works in the downtown area, which meant I had time to hang out with her.
     The lady began going through my resume and asking questions about my professional abilities. "So you're currently volunteering as a chaperon, is this for your child?" "Yes, my niece." I replied. "So, you're not working right now?" "Not at the moment, no." Bits of my confidence chipped away as she went down the rest of the list, as if she wondered why in the world I applied for this position in the first place. I felt foolish, like the last two years and my college experiences didn't matter.
   
     Then we received AMAZING news about Tee! She got a job as a full time teacher at the elementary school not 5 minutes from our house! We were ecstatic as most of you know she'd been on the job hunt since graduating college last year. We rejoiced together and thanked God for this blessing! But in myself I felt familiar pangs of loneliness creep into the pit of my stomach. This feeling has haunted me since I was a teenager--my sisters are doing things with their lives and I'm not. This was reaffirmed by the discovery of the diary I wrote in when I was 15. My confidence plummeted; and though I was happy for my sister, everything I learned about myself over the past two years and mostly in the last month seem to have flung away.
     I mulled over these thoughts for hours until things finally came to a head as I put away laundry. I broke. I began to cry and tried to hide it, just like I used to. I felt a rut coming on--the kind it used to take me days to get out of in the past. My mother came in to see what was wrong, and I blurted out how nothing in my life changed in the past ten years (I know deep inside it wasn't true, but it felt true in the moment). I was so fearful I would be left behind at home without life--so much so that I literally started to hyperventilate. After talking a little while, mother left me alone to collect myself. Minutes later my little niece came in and asked "Why are you crying?" she asked, genuinely confused.  "I don't know" I managed to reply.  She left the room for a minute and came back with a paper flower and laid it on my chest. "This will cheer you up."
     In that moment I realized my life definitely isn't the same as it was ten years ago. This little girl sitting at my side, one of two kids I helped raise and nurture were major changes. I wanted to be a good example to them, and I can't do that lying in a heap of depression on my bed. I obeyed my mother and "got a hold of myself" enough to leave my room. But before I did, I told God aloud "This is it, I need a sign in the next 24 hours or I don't know what I'm going to do."
     I talked to Tee later and tried to assure her it's my own problem I was going through; it's not necessarily jealousy, but I want my own work and life purpose to come before me. "I wish you didn't have to go through this" she said with tears in her eyes. I explained how I needed to move past these old feelings--I don't want people thinking I'm not happy for them or they can't be happy for themselves because of me. I'm sick of it. It's not too hard to change something within my control.

    After a night of good rest, I woke up to write my blog, got the phone call and got this scripture thereafter: "This God--His way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him" (Psalms 18:30).

     Don't stop believing. Ever. But perhaps it's time to demand the promises that are really ours to have. Maybe this is our time.

Signing off with love and a full heart,
    The Daughter

*I avoided the call because I thought it would be the temp agency bothering me again.

Fit in Spirit

PC: https://drlej.wordpress.com/

     Since before I graduated college in fall of 2013, I felt a pull to learn more about my connection to God (or the Great Spirit or the Universe--however you want to phrase this entity that is bigger than ourselves). Though my posts focus mostly on bodily fitness with some spirituality mixed in, the spirit is actually a bigger part of my process than I write about. In fact, it's an every day pursuit. There have been moments in my short life when I had to rely on something larger than I, and things I've seen that don't have a logical explanation other than forces outside our field of vision exist. I'm sure anyone reading this has those experiences that are more than pure coincidence.

     One such experience happened right out in my cul-de-sac. I was taking my niece for a walk when our neighbor met us on the road with her daughter. The girls had a play date while we talked about current events and our walk with the Lord. There were things I believe the spirit was leading me to study, and this lovely neighbor had the perfect book allowing me to follow that leading. Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debbie Jones is about pursuing God and becoming the spiritual woman you were meant to be. This book allowed me to trust and rely on God in a way I hadn't before, which I was extremely grateful for.

     Most recently I picked up a book my mother heard about from a friend called E-Squared by Pam Grout. This book on the back cover is described as "a lab manual with simple experiments that prove reality is malleable, consciousness trumps matter and you shape your life with your mind." If you've heard of The Secret it's similar to that--you are constantly sending out bodily vibrations that determines the shape of your physical surroundings. It's a departure from my own traditional beliefs, however it presents a lot of biblical truth in a different way. The book mentions how Jesus was the ultimate master of these spiritual principles that altered physical "reality." For example, His ability to heal the sick and walk on water are some of the direct manifestations of this greater spiritual force.
   
     I do believe our perception of what's going on in life can be altered. Take for example the (seemingly) concrete measure of time. Time tells me when I get my teeth cleaned or if I missed the bus. But time can also be condensed and stretched. We've all had those moments: four hours with friends feel like one, while the last two minutes of class before Spring Break seem like an eternity.
   
    You've heard similar principles of the Law of Attraction--negative attracts negative, the thing you focus on most will come to pass, etc. One thing the book pointed out that I agreed with was the societal focus on negativity. Society feeds us bad news at 6 o'clock every night, while commercial breaks tell us we're hungry, not pretty enough or too fat to go through life without Product X. This steady stream of negativity flows through our brains, and theoretically disrupts the spiritual field. According to the book, attracting positive things to you via the force is as simple as "plugging in a toaster into a wall"--the electricity going into the toaster is this force at work: the toaster would work for you without pleading and prodding for it to work, or despite being a good or bad person.
   
     One part of this book I still have a bit of an issue with was how this power is to be used. In one section the author mentions using this power to manifest "dates with hot guys...[and] a Toyota Prius." I know the books is meant for exercises to get out of our self-made boxes, but I can't imagine using such a thing for material possessions only. Going back to Jesus, He always used is power to serve others. I thought manifesting these kinds meant we are to share them. Freely you have received, freely give...But perhaps I have been conditioned into the reality that the good in life can't be free, and I have to work really, really, really, really, really hard to have good or nice things.
   
     I'm conducting one of the experiments now. According to this one, you're supposed to give God/ the Universe 48 hours to grant a request for a blessing--one that is so out of the ordinary it can't be a coincidence. The Spirit has until 6 this evening to bless me. Ask and ye shall receive, so I'm looking out for it.
   
      I'm still learning about all this and definitely testing the spirits, but I would genuinely like to know if I'm making my life out to be more difficult than it actually is. So here's to trying new things because everything will work out for our good anyway.


Cheers,
The Daughter

Part Shark

Aren't I pretty? PC:The Independent

     Here in Hawai'i we have something known as aumakua, or family guardians. These guardians are mostly animals, but can sometimes also be deities like Pele. The aumakua of my family is supposedly the mano or shark, granting us safe passage over waters. Since I have a mild fear of deep water (deep being when my feet no longer touch the sand), I can't say for sure whether these myths are true. My grandfather, who was a pastor, definitely did not subscribe to the "old ways" and firmly stated our only aumakua is Jesus Christ, which made the whole debate moot for him.

       You don't have to have an aumakua to have experienced going into what I like to call "shark mode." When certain sharks, like the Great White feed, their eyes roll back into their heads to protect their eyes from their pray. Though I don't know what's going on in the shark's mind as it feeds, I doubt it's counting calories or thinking about that particular meal's nutritional value; which is exactly what happens when I go into shark mode. I attack whatever food is in front of me without thought or hesitation. And when the whole thing is over I have an overstuffed belly and a vague idea of how it got their. It's a lot like binging, but with less premeditation. But don't worry, the same guilt is there after.

        Another problem is I binge on more calorie-dense (read: unhealthy) food instead of lighter options. If I were to binge on carrot sticks or spinach leaves, I wouldn't have as big of an issue. Still another question arises: is binging ever okay?

      There's some societal expectation for binging on occassion: take our birthdays or Thanksgiving, for example--shark mode is not only warranted, it's practically encouraged. According to Livestrong.com, these days do happen. And better yet, you can't get fat from one day of feeding frenzy! I still wonder how binge eating affects our relationship to food as a whole, but that's another topic for another day.

     What does my aumakua Jesus Christ say about food? "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink...Is not life more than food...?" Matt. 6:25-26 (added emphasis).

    Apparently, I have a lot to learn.

Until Next Time,
The Daughter   

My family aumakua

     

Weekends always throw me off....

So, just came off a great weekend.   From Friday thru Sunday it was a world wind of family, friends, food, no exercise and hardly any sleep.  Yesterday was spent trying to catch up on sleep and reflect on the events of the weekend.  I was so thankful that we walked on Friday, 6/26/15.  It was a fabulous almost hour of quick-paced excitement as I got to walk with TD, on our path with the sun so bright and the breeze of life, that blew so consistently.  It's summer in Hawaii and the humidity can be a real problem.  If not for our trade winds, we would perish on the path of Life....That would be pretty sad.

My motivation was high as we tried to shave some time off our pace and get home because the weekend would be very challenging.  Our park hostess was really going at it with the weed-whacker.  There was another lady helping her this morning.  As we circled our hostess for the second time, she looked up and greeted us, then explained that a fellow park user had complained to our Mayor that the park was overgrown and shabby.  Our hostess began to regale us with the story which explained why she was working so hard and had her "friend" there helping her.  Her girlfriend was very quiet and charming.  She expressed the need to help keep her girlfriend "cool" because she had a temper if pushed.  The park looked great.  We tried to convince her of our undying appreciation and encouraged her not to be moved by people who found fault with her work style.  It was a great walk.

Today, was very challenging and required our mind power and patience.  IT WAS HOT ! Records were being set all week and today was not different.  We set out to walk for an hour but instead went about 45 minutes due to the extreme heat.  Our hostess had pretty much finished the park and was trying to touch-up any things that was missed.  The sweat was hard and we were drained.

On our last two laps, a strange happening took place.....We were going round and heard a loud noise.  We looked up and low and behold, it was a helicopter that ever so swiftly landed on a small section of the park, picked up a man who was waiting for him and then took off.  TD and I had never been that close to a helicopter and were blown away.  We watched the pilot lift off and fly in the direction of Honolulu, over the mountains and near the descending of cloud cover.  On our last lap, we witnessed the copter return to dropped the man off and fly away.  It was awesome.  I was sore from  the long weekend and the festivities.  We finished our walk and enjoyed the simplicity of wind blowing threw the car windows, deep sips of ice cold water and the satisfaction of knowing we did something that was going to contribute to our health and well being.  Weekends throw me off because they are times of celebration that result in no real exercise, no accountability and no desire to be reminded of my restrictions and the reasons for them.....that's why I lose any change I gain and whats worse is I don't worry about it.  I guess this confession is shining a light on why there hasn't been a lot of progress.  I hope to improve.

Progress:  A walk, a friend and a helicopter.

A walk on the path and a mystery...

So, since we cut our walk short because of the heat, we started earlier today.  Another sunny day but a little more cloud cover and breeze.  These conditions made for an ideal walking experience. 
We loaded up the grand kid and both daughters then headed to the park to "try again." 

To our surprise, no one was walking.  The path was clean, the grass was freshly mowed and much of the weeding was finished.  Our sweet friend had worked hard between yesterday and today to manicure our "special place."  We were excited to make some "real" progress today because there was no one around and we could really get some laps under our belts.

The wind was blowing and our view of the ocean was so delightful.  It is hard to count this as exercise when the shower trees are releasing a blanket of yellow and orange blooms on  the ground and the fragrance-filled breezes contain a hint of ginger, plumeria and gardenia.  Ocean views are awesome with their various shades of deep blue, aquamarine and turquoise that denote ocean depths. However, the mountains too were also arranged in splendid shades of green.  The high peaks make me wish I was a mountain climber so I could see the views from the great heights above.  Never the less, today we are walking our path and I am enjoy every step.

As we rounded the bend for the third time, we noticed two young boys coming from the direction of the elementary school, just up the road from the park.  The schools are on summer break but sometimes kids hang out at school during the summer.  We approached and almost crossed paths with the boys.  We noticed that they were taking a path, off to the side, behind our park.  This is curious because there are some homeless people that take that path too.  My daughter, who is an elementary school teacher became instantly alerted to the youngsters as is her habit.  we continued our walk around the oval path.  On the next go-around, we saw a car emerge from the dirt path where the boys walked.  The car was leaving the area and the boys were coming out of that area back to the park.  As we got closer, we realized that they were lying across the path.  We were walking nearer to them and I wondered if they would scoot over so we could walk by?  Thankfully, they started to moved as we got closer.  We thanked them and then I asked them if they went to the school, up the hill? They replied yes.  My daughter passed them last but exchanged pleasantries with them as well.

  My daughter actually did some student teaching at that school so always looks out for her former students.  We came around the other end of the park and saw a young man who looked homeless and had a 40 ounce bottle of beer in one hand and a puppy in the other.  He was headed in the direction of the young boys so we slowed our pace just to see if there was an exchange.  As the man got closer to the boys, they got up, talked to the man and went with the man on the other path behind the park.  We became concerned, " who is this man? does he know the boys? where are they going?"  Questions were flowing through our minds as we came around another bend on the path that was near, where the boys went.  We were listening for voices but heard nothing.  We remembered that there was a side path down to a man made water-way near the park.  We thought that if we went up that path, we could maybe see the boys and check on their well-being.  The path was also in an open area that was visible to the main highway with cars traveling constantly.  It seemed like a safe path.  We found the way onto the path and followed it up to near, where the boys went on the other side.  We didn't see anyone.  We walked until the brush got so thick, we couldn't follow the path anymore.  We prayed that the boys were safe and proceeded back up the path to the park.   It seemed that they knew that person.  We tried to comfort each other with our assumptions.  Homelessness is a major problem in Hawaii and there are many homeless in the park areas.  There are many children among them.

Mystery not solved.

By the time we returned to the car, we had walked almost an hour.  This was a very different walk.

Progress:  Almost one hour of walking and a

prayer for those little boys with faith that they are safe.