Dat 9-to-5 Life

     Spoiler Alert: Following your destiny is not easy. It's not like the movies.

     Or at least not for me.

She is me.

     I had these notions when I got this job that it would be everything I thought I was missing in my life; a fresh perspective, something I'd be crazy passionate for--and that I'd blossom into a better version of myself. Kinda like Nia Vardalos in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

The only problem was real life has challenges. Things I had to learn and work out. Things studying and going to school didn't really prepare me for.

When I received the call that I got the job, I decided to jump in and start as soon as I could. I was so excited I didn't really know what to expect. The last office job I worked at was an internship that lasted nine months before I decided I wanted to focus on college full time. The truth is I felt like I couldn't handle it. I didn't understand my role and felt out of place. It wasn't my employers fault, it was me. I didn't know how to handle any of it, so I thought by quitting I was doing myself a favor. I think what I could've learned then would've helped me adjust in my job now; but as the saying goes, hindsight is always 20/20.

My first day was overwhelming. Though, I slept better than I expected (before the first day of my internship I hadn't slept a wink and I paid for it). With my main mode of transportation being the bus, I opted for an early bus which according to the schedule would get me there about a half hour before I was supposed to start. Since school was out at the time, the bus got me there a full hour early (even though I got off a few stops before to try kill time). I was embarrassed at my early start, but my boss decided to give me a tour of the facilities which quickly ate up the time.

I was introduced to every inch of the grounds--from the electricity rooms to the back gates, the edge of the property and the bowels of the sanctuary. I did my best to absorb what I could as I knew it would all be important. Two storage rooms and six classrooms later, I finally took my post in the front office.

My boss worked at a standing desk, which meant I would be working at a standing desk for the time being. My feet and lower back ached as my boss showed me some of the daily operational computer work I'd be performing. This also included using our very larger printer, which basically does everything short of cooking you a delicious steak dinner (it was just okay). But like most delicate geniuses, it has trouble dealing with less intelligent life forms like myself as I would find out later.

My main task for the day was preparing mail outs for an election. Simple, right? If you're a normal, confident, healthy person, yes. For an emotional-wreck who's been on her feet all day, it's a nightmare. The task was such that I had to put certain forms from a list of high lit names in some packets and not in others. Keeping track of all that (in the state I was in) was hellish. Confusion and butterfingers quickly set in. My boss's wife, seeing my struggle, put together an assembly line while I stuffed the envelopes.

My day ended with stuffing the last envelope and acquiring at least five paper cuts. My boss's wife urged me to head out as I would miss my 5:10 pm bus home. I quickly left the office, still a little shell-shocked. I was home in an hour, and as soon as I walked in the door, I broke down crying. I don't really know why. I did this for three weeks. Even four months later I still cry sometimes.

It's not that I hated my job, but it was a huge adjustment--not just for me but my family. I went from an at home schedule of chores and helping raise my kids to eight hours behind a desk, working with people I didn't really know and doing things I was unsure I knew I could do. I missed my home and my family and the familiarity.

One of the hardest lessons I learned was being responsible, not just for myself. In school you learn if you don't do something, it's on you. If you don't do something at work, the burden affects others. Even though my role is comparatively small compared to that of my coworkers, it was a concept I had to get my head around. It's not some group project where you can shoulder as little or as much work as you want--you depend on others and they depend on you. Everything is not always in your control. This is something I'm still getting used to.

And with this, my lifestyle changed. I'm in bed by 10:00 pm, I'm up by 6:00 am. I'm on the bus at 8:15 am and in the office by 9:00 am. Eating and exercising have been my weakest points thus far. When I do eat, it's in large quantities since I don't eat much when I'm at work or for breakfast in the morning. Sometimes it's just too busy to eat at all. So eating what I want is justified.

As I wrote in my previous post, I exercise once a week, if I'm lucky. It's normally on a Sunday night, motivated by guilt of not working out all week long. It's usually strenuous, which means I'm out of commission for a few days until the pain subsides. I'm too tired to exercise in the morning and even more tired at night. It's a sick cycle.

Keep believing! Don't upset Journey!

But I'm not giving up. Not on my job, nor my health. The thing that's carried me through all this has been my faith. Faith that God has a plan for me, and all this is part of it. I know that everything I'm learning is a stepping stone toward my greater life purpose and everything happening is for a reason.

As long as I keep believing, I am exactly where I need to be.

Amen and Amen,
The Daughter

Kung Fu Musings (An Update)

PC: IMDB

What's up?! (I know what you're thinking..."'What's up?!' After months of being away and her opening line is 'What's up?!'" There's every reason for you to stop reading at my terrible opening line, but I urge you, read on!)

So the last time we met, I had just gotten my new job! There's SO much to talk about with that, but I'll save that for a later post. Let's begin by saying I've been working out as much as I have been updating this blog--well, maybe a tiny bit more than that. I would say once a week if I'm lucky, but very light. I did lose much of the strength I had when I was exercising 2-3 times a week, which I found shocking and really painful! It took me a day or two to recover from simple chores like weed whacking. It hurt my pride. And my body.

After months of virtual atrophy, me and Tee decided to try a video I found on youtube: "Shaolin Kung Fu Basic Moves 1" uploaded by Shaolin kung fu (3 years ago, if you were wondering). Why? Because of "Invincible Shaolin"!

Another fun fact about Tee: she's a Shaw Brother's Kung Fu movie fan. Of course, it's easy to love any and all martial arts movies--they're so cool.We saw our first Shaw Brother's movie years ago on public access television called "The Crippled Avengers" (don't let the title deter you, it's simply amazing). The fluidity of the movements, awesome fight sequences and entertaining story lines are enough to capture anyone's interest. One of my favorite parts of kung fu movies is the iconic training

"Crippled Avengers" a.k.a "The Return of the 5 Deadly Venoms"

scene. The old sifu makes the heroes fight their way out of wooden boxes, balance on narrow posts and perform three finger push ups until their skills are good enough to counter the opponents. The heroes' initial failures are necessary for them to improve until they master their specialty kung fu. That could be me. I can be the hero(ine).

So I searched. First I looked up the original martial arts icon: Bruce Lee. His training, diet, philosophy, whatever I could find. One source I read revealed his diet was basically what we know as "eating clean" today with lots of protein and good carbohydrates. He focused on how much nutrition he could derive from a meal instead of eating empty calories. His training consisted of weight training and cardio, with an emphasis on listening to your body as opposed to over-training. Don't train so hard you can't do any kind of work out the next day.

With all that in mind, I decided to look for any beginning kung fu videos and stumbled on the one I talked about earlier. I previewed it last night, and the sifu talked about the importance of having a good foundation. Not just in kung fu, but in anything you want to be proficient at in life. It truly spoke to me. Mastering the basics and returning to them often is what will bring success. What we were learning in the video would take a year and a half to two years of practice before you could do anything else.

Going in, tonight I thought would be day one of 1.5 years of kung fu basic training. I was wrong. Tee and I got through roughly 12 minutes of the 47 minute video before deciding we need to work up to basic kung fu moves via other exercise videos. I don't know what could have prepared us for this. Then it dawned on me that any consistent movement over the past four months definitely would've helped.

I haven't given up on being a kung fu heroine yet. But I need to start with the basic basics before moving on to the kung fu basics--that is, any movement for at least 30 minutes, and at least decent nutrition if I can't get really good nutrition. I've decided for the next five days to try to eat as cleanly as possible and exercise twice this week. But it's all talk until you do it!

Up next: my (poor) adjustment to my new 9-5 lifestyle.

Wishing you love and good health,
The Daughter

P.S. Here's the video:

Fit in Spirit UPDATE

PC:Year27

     Kids, I don't know what to say. About an hour and a half after posting my first blog yesterday, I got a phone call at exactly 11:00 in the morning (that I didn't pick up*). The message was from an employer I interviewed for a few weeks ago (hours after the interview Tee found the same job listing on Craigslist, so I didn't have my hopes up) asking if I was interested in the job and when I could start! I accepted and am officially employed come Monday morning.

     So here's the story:
     To be exact, on Wednesday I picked up E-Squared and began to read. After some time, I asked God for a rather specific sign, but later changed it to a general blessing. Anything. Anything that would make me know this is all true. So I sent that out into the universe at 6 that evening.
   
     The next day I got a phone call from a temping agency I signed for spur-of-the moment. I have every respect in the world for those in that field, but knew it wasn't quite right for me--I initially applied for a part-time job downtown through this agency. The hours were around the same as a dear friend of mine that also works in the downtown area, which meant I had time to hang out with her.
     The lady began going through my resume and asking questions about my professional abilities. "So you're currently volunteering as a chaperon, is this for your child?" "Yes, my niece." I replied. "So, you're not working right now?" "Not at the moment, no." Bits of my confidence chipped away as she went down the rest of the list, as if she wondered why in the world I applied for this position in the first place. I felt foolish, like the last two years and my college experiences didn't matter.
   
     Then we received AMAZING news about Tee! She got a job as a full time teacher at the elementary school not 5 minutes from our house! We were ecstatic as most of you know she'd been on the job hunt since graduating college last year. We rejoiced together and thanked God for this blessing! But in myself I felt familiar pangs of loneliness creep into the pit of my stomach. This feeling has haunted me since I was a teenager--my sisters are doing things with their lives and I'm not. This was reaffirmed by the discovery of the diary I wrote in when I was 15. My confidence plummeted; and though I was happy for my sister, everything I learned about myself over the past two years and mostly in the last month seem to have flung away.
     I mulled over these thoughts for hours until things finally came to a head as I put away laundry. I broke. I began to cry and tried to hide it, just like I used to. I felt a rut coming on--the kind it used to take me days to get out of in the past. My mother came in to see what was wrong, and I blurted out how nothing in my life changed in the past ten years (I know deep inside it wasn't true, but it felt true in the moment). I was so fearful I would be left behind at home without life--so much so that I literally started to hyperventilate. After talking a little while, mother left me alone to collect myself. Minutes later my little niece came in and asked "Why are you crying?" she asked, genuinely confused.  "I don't know" I managed to reply.  She left the room for a minute and came back with a paper flower and laid it on my chest. "This will cheer you up."
     In that moment I realized my life definitely isn't the same as it was ten years ago. This little girl sitting at my side, one of two kids I helped raise and nurture were major changes. I wanted to be a good example to them, and I can't do that lying in a heap of depression on my bed. I obeyed my mother and "got a hold of myself" enough to leave my room. But before I did, I told God aloud "This is it, I need a sign in the next 24 hours or I don't know what I'm going to do."
     I talked to Tee later and tried to assure her it's my own problem I was going through; it's not necessarily jealousy, but I want my own work and life purpose to come before me. "I wish you didn't have to go through this" she said with tears in her eyes. I explained how I needed to move past these old feelings--I don't want people thinking I'm not happy for them or they can't be happy for themselves because of me. I'm sick of it. It's not too hard to change something within my control.

    After a night of good rest, I woke up to write my blog, got the phone call and got this scripture thereafter: "This God--His way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him" (Psalms 18:30).

     Don't stop believing. Ever. But perhaps it's time to demand the promises that are really ours to have. Maybe this is our time.

Signing off with love and a full heart,
    The Daughter

*I avoided the call because I thought it would be the temp agency bothering me again.

Fit in Spirit

PC: https://drlej.wordpress.com/

     Since before I graduated college in fall of 2013, I felt a pull to learn more about my connection to God (or the Great Spirit or the Universe--however you want to phrase this entity that is bigger than ourselves). Though my posts focus mostly on bodily fitness with some spirituality mixed in, the spirit is actually a bigger part of my process than I write about. In fact, it's an every day pursuit. There have been moments in my short life when I had to rely on something larger than I, and things I've seen that don't have a logical explanation other than forces outside our field of vision exist. I'm sure anyone reading this has those experiences that are more than pure coincidence.

     One such experience happened right out in my cul-de-sac. I was taking my niece for a walk when our neighbor met us on the road with her daughter. The girls had a play date while we talked about current events and our walk with the Lord. There were things I believe the spirit was leading me to study, and this lovely neighbor had the perfect book allowing me to follow that leading. Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debbie Jones is about pursuing God and becoming the spiritual woman you were meant to be. This book allowed me to trust and rely on God in a way I hadn't before, which I was extremely grateful for.

     Most recently I picked up a book my mother heard about from a friend called E-Squared by Pam Grout. This book on the back cover is described as "a lab manual with simple experiments that prove reality is malleable, consciousness trumps matter and you shape your life with your mind." If you've heard of The Secret it's similar to that--you are constantly sending out bodily vibrations that determines the shape of your physical surroundings. It's a departure from my own traditional beliefs, however it presents a lot of biblical truth in a different way. The book mentions how Jesus was the ultimate master of these spiritual principles that altered physical "reality." For example, His ability to heal the sick and walk on water are some of the direct manifestations of this greater spiritual force.
   
     I do believe our perception of what's going on in life can be altered. Take for example the (seemingly) concrete measure of time. Time tells me when I get my teeth cleaned or if I missed the bus. But time can also be condensed and stretched. We've all had those moments: four hours with friends feel like one, while the last two minutes of class before Spring Break seem like an eternity.
   
    You've heard similar principles of the Law of Attraction--negative attracts negative, the thing you focus on most will come to pass, etc. One thing the book pointed out that I agreed with was the societal focus on negativity. Society feeds us bad news at 6 o'clock every night, while commercial breaks tell us we're hungry, not pretty enough or too fat to go through life without Product X. This steady stream of negativity flows through our brains, and theoretically disrupts the spiritual field. According to the book, attracting positive things to you via the force is as simple as "plugging in a toaster into a wall"--the electricity going into the toaster is this force at work: the toaster would work for you without pleading and prodding for it to work, or despite being a good or bad person.
   
     One part of this book I still have a bit of an issue with was how this power is to be used. In one section the author mentions using this power to manifest "dates with hot guys...[and] a Toyota Prius." I know the books is meant for exercises to get out of our self-made boxes, but I can't imagine using such a thing for material possessions only. Going back to Jesus, He always used is power to serve others. I thought manifesting these kinds meant we are to share them. Freely you have received, freely give...But perhaps I have been conditioned into the reality that the good in life can't be free, and I have to work really, really, really, really, really hard to have good or nice things.
   
     I'm conducting one of the experiments now. According to this one, you're supposed to give God/ the Universe 48 hours to grant a request for a blessing--one that is so out of the ordinary it can't be a coincidence. The Spirit has until 6 this evening to bless me. Ask and ye shall receive, so I'm looking out for it.
   
      I'm still learning about all this and definitely testing the spirits, but I would genuinely like to know if I'm making my life out to be more difficult than it actually is. So here's to trying new things because everything will work out for our good anyway.


Cheers,
The Daughter

Part Shark

Aren't I pretty? PC:The Independent

     Here in Hawai'i we have something known as aumakua, or family guardians. These guardians are mostly animals, but can sometimes also be deities like Pele. The aumakua of my family is supposedly the mano or shark, granting us safe passage over waters. Since I have a mild fear of deep water (deep being when my feet no longer touch the sand), I can't say for sure whether these myths are true. My grandfather, who was a pastor, definitely did not subscribe to the "old ways" and firmly stated our only aumakua is Jesus Christ, which made the whole debate moot for him.

       You don't have to have an aumakua to have experienced going into what I like to call "shark mode." When certain sharks, like the Great White feed, their eyes roll back into their heads to protect their eyes from their pray. Though I don't know what's going on in the shark's mind as it feeds, I doubt it's counting calories or thinking about that particular meal's nutritional value; which is exactly what happens when I go into shark mode. I attack whatever food is in front of me without thought or hesitation. And when the whole thing is over I have an overstuffed belly and a vague idea of how it got their. It's a lot like binging, but with less premeditation. But don't worry, the same guilt is there after.

        Another problem is I binge on more calorie-dense (read: unhealthy) food instead of lighter options. If I were to binge on carrot sticks or spinach leaves, I wouldn't have as big of an issue. Still another question arises: is binging ever okay?

      There's some societal expectation for binging on occassion: take our birthdays or Thanksgiving, for example--shark mode is not only warranted, it's practically encouraged. According to Livestrong.com, these days do happen. And better yet, you can't get fat from one day of feeding frenzy! I still wonder how binge eating affects our relationship to food as a whole, but that's another topic for another day.

     What does my aumakua Jesus Christ say about food? "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink...Is not life more than food...?" Matt. 6:25-26 (added emphasis).

    Apparently, I have a lot to learn.

Until Next Time,
The Daughter   

My family aumakua

     

Weekends always throw me off....

So, just came off a great weekend.   From Friday thru Sunday it was a world wind of family, friends, food, no exercise and hardly any sleep.  Yesterday was spent trying to catch up on sleep and reflect on the events of the weekend.  I was so thankful that we walked on Friday, 6/26/15.  It was a fabulous almost hour of quick-paced excitement as I got to walk with TD, on our path with the sun so bright and the breeze of life, that blew so consistently.  It's summer in Hawaii and the humidity can be a real problem.  If not for our trade winds, we would perish on the path of Life....That would be pretty sad.

My motivation was high as we tried to shave some time off our pace and get home because the weekend would be very challenging.  Our park hostess was really going at it with the weed-whacker.  There was another lady helping her this morning.  As we circled our hostess for the second time, she looked up and greeted us, then explained that a fellow park user had complained to our Mayor that the park was overgrown and shabby.  Our hostess began to regale us with the story which explained why she was working so hard and had her "friend" there helping her.  Her girlfriend was very quiet and charming.  She expressed the need to help keep her girlfriend "cool" because she had a temper if pushed.  The park looked great.  We tried to convince her of our undying appreciation and encouraged her not to be moved by people who found fault with her work style.  It was a great walk.

Today, was very challenging and required our mind power and patience.  IT WAS HOT ! Records were being set all week and today was not different.  We set out to walk for an hour but instead went about 45 minutes due to the extreme heat.  Our hostess had pretty much finished the park and was trying to touch-up any things that was missed.  The sweat was hard and we were drained.

On our last two laps, a strange happening took place.....We were going round and heard a loud noise.  We looked up and low and behold, it was a helicopter that ever so swiftly landed on a small section of the park, picked up a man who was waiting for him and then took off.  TD and I had never been that close to a helicopter and were blown away.  We watched the pilot lift off and fly in the direction of Honolulu, over the mountains and near the descending of cloud cover.  On our last lap, we witnessed the copter return to dropped the man off and fly away.  It was awesome.  I was sore from  the long weekend and the festivities.  We finished our walk and enjoyed the simplicity of wind blowing threw the car windows, deep sips of ice cold water and the satisfaction of knowing we did something that was going to contribute to our health and well being.  Weekends throw me off because they are times of celebration that result in no real exercise, no accountability and no desire to be reminded of my restrictions and the reasons for them.....that's why I lose any change I gain and whats worse is I don't worry about it.  I guess this confession is shining a light on why there hasn't been a lot of progress.  I hope to improve.

Progress:  A walk, a friend and a helicopter.

A walk on the path and a mystery...

So, since we cut our walk short because of the heat, we started earlier today.  Another sunny day but a little more cloud cover and breeze.  These conditions made for an ideal walking experience. 
We loaded up the grand kid and both daughters then headed to the park to "try again." 

To our surprise, no one was walking.  The path was clean, the grass was freshly mowed and much of the weeding was finished.  Our sweet friend had worked hard between yesterday and today to manicure our "special place."  We were excited to make some "real" progress today because there was no one around and we could really get some laps under our belts.

The wind was blowing and our view of the ocean was so delightful.  It is hard to count this as exercise when the shower trees are releasing a blanket of yellow and orange blooms on  the ground and the fragrance-filled breezes contain a hint of ginger, plumeria and gardenia.  Ocean views are awesome with their various shades of deep blue, aquamarine and turquoise that denote ocean depths. However, the mountains too were also arranged in splendid shades of green.  The high peaks make me wish I was a mountain climber so I could see the views from the great heights above.  Never the less, today we are walking our path and I am enjoy every step.

As we rounded the bend for the third time, we noticed two young boys coming from the direction of the elementary school, just up the road from the park.  The schools are on summer break but sometimes kids hang out at school during the summer.  We approached and almost crossed paths with the boys.  We noticed that they were taking a path, off to the side, behind our park.  This is curious because there are some homeless people that take that path too.  My daughter, who is an elementary school teacher became instantly alerted to the youngsters as is her habit.  we continued our walk around the oval path.  On the next go-around, we saw a car emerge from the dirt path where the boys walked.  The car was leaving the area and the boys were coming out of that area back to the park.  As we got closer, we realized that they were lying across the path.  We were walking nearer to them and I wondered if they would scoot over so we could walk by?  Thankfully, they started to moved as we got closer.  We thanked them and then I asked them if they went to the school, up the hill? They replied yes.  My daughter passed them last but exchanged pleasantries with them as well.

  My daughter actually did some student teaching at that school so always looks out for her former students.  We came around the other end of the park and saw a young man who looked homeless and had a 40 ounce bottle of beer in one hand and a puppy in the other.  He was headed in the direction of the young boys so we slowed our pace just to see if there was an exchange.  As the man got closer to the boys, they got up, talked to the man and went with the man on the other path behind the park.  We became concerned, " who is this man? does he know the boys? where are they going?"  Questions were flowing through our minds as we came around another bend on the path that was near, where the boys went.  We were listening for voices but heard nothing.  We remembered that there was a side path down to a man made water-way near the park.  We thought that if we went up that path, we could maybe see the boys and check on their well-being.  The path was also in an open area that was visible to the main highway with cars traveling constantly.  It seemed like a safe path.  We found the way onto the path and followed it up to near, where the boys went on the other side.  We didn't see anyone.  We walked until the brush got so thick, we couldn't follow the path anymore.  We prayed that the boys were safe and proceeded back up the path to the park.   It seemed that they knew that person.  We tried to comfort each other with our assumptions.  Homelessness is a major problem in Hawaii and there are many homeless in the park areas.  There are many children among them.

Mystery not solved.

By the time we returned to the car, we had walked almost an hour.  This was a very different walk.

Progress:  Almost one hour of walking and a

prayer for those little boys with faith that they are safe.  

Path Pals

What a great morning.....I am still a bit sore from previous workouts  but had a secret desire to go walking at my favorite place, The walking path.  It's such a gorgeous day, no clouds and nothing but Summer sunshine on our faces...and sunscreen of course.  The daughters ended up not working out with our beloved neighbor so when I was expressing my need to take a little jaunt at our park, TD decided to join in with our 4 year old. 

We approached our "special" place and found just a couple walkers on the trail this morning.  It was much later then usual.  The sun was high in the sky and the breezes were gentle.  My anticipation was excited by our little one taking off and us trying to follow close behind.  Her eagerness is so motivating.

I always look forward to certain people at our special place.  The lady that keeps the park clean is such a joyful, sassy, hard working individual that makes the world a better place.  I will never tire of her off-color remarks and her 411-gossip sessions about the latest park happenings.  Luckily, she understands we're walking by and won't stop so she gives us the headlines so we don't break our stride.

Another interesting fellow-fitness seeker is a guy who is always reading while he is walking.  Years ago, we marveled at his talent and watched to see if he could maintain his reading when there was a curve in the path or a crack in the pavement.  We were amazed because we never saw him miss a step.  We always greet our fellow walkers but for some reason, every time we would approach this guy, he was reading and didn't look up to see us.  At first, I thought he was antisocial and used the "reading thing" as a way to avoid socializing.  A few weeks later, we observed "the reader" exchanging pleasantries with another walker.  I realized that my previous estimation of his character was way off.  He probably just didn't want to acknowledge us. With this development, I felt deflated in spirit but would try to greet him anyway.  The days went on and then it happened, I said "Good morning" and then he looked up and responded with a  "HI."  Anyway, he became a cohort of sorts.

Since we have returned to the path this year, "the reader" has reverted into his previous behavior of read-walking with NO social interaction.  I guess we will have to rebuild the trust we shared which consisted of two solid months of almost daily activity and the occasional head-node and an out-of-breath hello.


As I stated earlier, it was hot.  20 something minutes into the walk I really became aware of the sun and the intense heat I was experiencing.  I started to notice that the profuse loss of sweat was accompanied with dizziness.   IT WAS VERY HOT!  I decided that maybe the heat was going to overwhelm my desire to continue on our present course, so we left.  I don't look at our leaving as failure but instead self preservation.  In Hawaii, we have " Peak Sun Hours" which deters a person from being in the sun between the hours of 10am and 2pm.  I feel sure that leaving the park at 11:30am was the best thing to do especially, since there were no trade winds blowing that would have insured a successful walk.

Will try again tomorrow and get an earlier start! Very grateful for TD and Sun's presence today.

Progress:  Walked a little, reminisced about special people on our path and left before the heat-stroke.

Is That Cheating?

     I'm not 100%, but I think I might've cheated on my workout buddy yesterday :(

     I woke up yesterday at 6 a.m., like normal, but my muscles were so tired. My body did not want to move from my bed. Like the warm embrace of a long-time love...okay enough poetry. Anyway, the night before I contemplated taking a rest day, but Tee talked me out of it. Our union is doing exactly what it's supposed to do: discouraging us from wimping out on each other. I laid in my bed, thinking about what I should do. It was agonizing.
     I must admit though, the two-to-three-week mark is when my feet start getting itchy. I come up with every reason in the book not to continue with the program; the predominant excuse this time being "I'm not seeing the results I want." Like I said, I notice my clothes fitting a little better, but nothing as dramatic as what I want. It's a little disappointing. Three weeks of workouts for minimal results? What's that about? (It's because I'm eating junks, but when you're talking yourself out of something you forsake logical reason.)
     Finally I worked up the courage to text. "Good morning! I think I need a rest today, my muscles are really tired!" I was wide awake now, awaiting O's response. Would she be mad? Did I just ruin

Kathy Smith dropping some mad truth. Where were you yesterday morning?!

her day? She replied "Sounds good. Get some much needed rest!" Relief swept over my body. I can go back to sleep now, right? Wrong.
     I came into the living room, trying to hear if she was working out or not without me. I asked Mother if I made the right decision or not, and didn't believe her when she told me I did. I tortured myself long enough for a workout with O plus a post-exercise talk-story before drifting off to sleep. For one hour.
     When I came to, Mother asked if I wanted to accompany her on a walk with my 4 year old niece. I agreed, but decided I would take it slow. We went to our usual park, but by the time we got out,

the mid-morning sun was blazing. We walked for about twenty minutes before my niece tired out and I piggy-backed her to the car. Shortly after my mom joined us and we headed back home. The heat won.
     I walked into the house to the most disheartening sight. There was Tee, sprawled on the yoga mat, half way through Jillian's beloved Shred workout. I watched for a minute before putting my shoes back on, grabbing my iPod and hitting the neighborhood for another walk. The sun was almost overhead when I embarked on my journey.
     It was nice going on the old route again. Not that many people were out since walking in the noonday heat is ill-advised. I walked past the house they've halted construction on near the bus stop; past the plumeria and puakenikeni trees, their fallen and browning flowers littering the ground. Going up the first and second hill was challenging as always, but I noticed being less winded then in the past. I walked to my one mile mark, a rock wall with a line of ceramic ducks in front of it, before turning back toward home.
     Up the hairpin turn, past the elderly care home (that finally got a new driveway), who should I see driving down the road but O. She peered out at me before breaking into a wide smiling and waving. I managed to wave back before panic set in. What must she think of me now? Here I was, ducking out of exercising the morning of, only to be out and about only hours later. Was this betrayal? What have I done? I told Tee who was unsure of the situation's outcome. Had I dashed every hope of our budding friendship on this walk?

     I found out today the answer was no. I texted O this morning, 15 minutes before we usually met to ask if we were still on. She hadn't texted back for a while which meant one of two things: she hadn't received my message or she was angry about seeing me yesterday. It turns out she didn't hear her alarm and asked if me and Tee wanted to exercise. Before I knew it we were Turbo-jamming and all was right with the world.
      All kidding aside, I've really come to cherish this time to workout. Even though some days it's hard to wake up and do it, I always walk away from it feeling better than I did at the beginning. Listen to your body and don't overwork, but I encourage you to do something even when you don't really feel like it. It makes you feel good every single time. Unless you injure yourself. Please don't do that. Stretch stretch stretch!

Until Next Time,
The Daughter

Cheater, Cheater, Pastry Eater

So true

Yes, friends. I had a cheat meal this morning, and when I say cheat meal, what I mean is cheat unGodly feast. Up to this point, I considered myself to be doing quite well, and now, I'm terrified to even attempt logging these calories. I'm almost too ashamed to write this post, but I need to continue to be honest with you all. I'm pretty sure this particular binge was emotionally driven, at least partially. It's not excuse, but it's true what Mom said, so many things can effect one's fitness journey. I'm still looking to quell my emotional eating, but it's a process.

WARNING: I will now go into detail about this morning's magnificent eats purely for the sake of accountability. Brace yourselves, friends.

This morning, per DKK's (boyfriend's) request, we drove out to Cinnamon's in Kailua. Cinnamon's is a spectacular restaurant (by island standards) that specializes in guava chiffon pancakes. For those of you unfamiliar with island cuisine, try to imagine something that amazing. Guava.Chiffon.Pancakes. Ironically, neither of us ordered those. I started my meal with coffee, a standard. The "cream" I think, was some kind of non-dairy, artificial, liquid crap that I knew I shouldn't have been drinking, but drank anyway because I didn't want to drink it black. As I mulled over my options, DKK announced he would get a cinnamon bun, and a breakfast skillet. For whatever reason, "cinnamon bun" didn't register with me until I realized I wanted something sweet with my coffee. The devil (cinnamon bun) tempted me, and I accepted.

The time came to decide on a breakfast entree. For a moment, I considered the chicken cutlet with home fries, but came to the conclusion that was too "heavy" for breakfast. I then wandered back over to the second page of the menu where I found the assorted Eggs Benedicts. Classic, Veggie, Mahimahi, Crab cakes... which one, which one? As my eyes scanned down, I saw it; LOX. LOX BENEDICT. The choice was made. DKK seemed to approve. Now, all we needed was our lovely waitress. As she approached, I played around with an idea, but stopped myself, deciding it would be too sinful. When she took my order first, I heard that sinful idea come through my lips: "Extra Hollandaise". WHAT IN GOD'S GOOD AND MIGHTY NAME WAS I THINKING?! EXTRA ALL-CALORIE, NO NUTRITION HOLLANDAISE SAUCE?! WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME?!

WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING TO BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Here's the thing, I don't know what came over me. I'm not a Hollandaise super-fan. I don't see it as absolutely essential. It can, at times, even be a bit bland for my taste. But suddenly, as I read "Extra Hollandaise" on the menu, my mind took me directly to the movie Julie, Julia. I remembered the jubilation Julie's husband felt as he was eating the artichoke leaves with Hollandaise sauce. You can watch it here if you're really interested and don't understand the reference. I wanted that. I wanted that same ecstasy. Oh, and if you're a foodie and you haven't seen this movie, you must. It's essential. It's basically foreign food porn in that they cook a lot of French food, which, as we all know, is the most food-pornographic cuisine. It's all the butter and pastry. 

WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING

I got over the shock long enough for our pastries to arrive. As I bit into the warm, soft cinnamon bun, I was reminded that there is a God, and He is good. The warm icing stuck to the roof of my mouth, in the most pleasant way, of course. I made short work of it as I washed it down with my coffee. It was utter bliss. By the time my Lox Eggs Benedict came, I was already half-full. My appetite has gotten noticeably smaller, which I am so grateful for considering my swim in this breakfast-food trough today. Honestly, I was a bit less than impressed with the lox; I think I would've preferred the mahimahi. The Hollandaise... was good, but it didn't give me what I was looking for. Ultimately, waves of regret crashed over me as I was sitting in my chair, full to the brim, only halfway through with my half-order. 

I know, Boromir, GAAAAHD.

When I got home and started planning out what to write in this post, I really struggled with what to say. This is, after all, a fitness blog, and not a food blog. Yet, here I am, going into disgusting detail about what I had for breakfast. It wasn't until just now that I realized the purpose of breakfast is to break your fast, not give you happiness. My whole relationship with what I eat is unhealthy because I look to food to fulfill some kind of need, not to keep me going physically. The bottom line is, it's still a struggle, but I can't keep giving myself these passes to go ham just because I think I deserve to. I'm not cheating on my diet, or counting my calories, or my exercise program, I'm cheating myself. By not requiring myself to be more disciplined, I'm actually losing out. I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to eat whatever you want (it's your life), but I'm saying I can't expect my body to do certain things and look a certain way if I don't give it what it needs. I hope to change my attitude, and though it won't be overnight, I can definitely say today, and this post, has been a wake-up call. 

Progress: A smaller appetite, more accountability, and one step closer to ending (or at least changing) my unhealthy relationship with food. 

With Love,

Tee

Another Day, Another Cramp, Another Rejection Letter

You said it, Lilo.

Yes, as the title implies, it's already been somewhat of a disappointing day for the Tee-meister... and the worst part is, it's only 10:30am. I woke up this morning with a mean cramp in my Achilles, and pondered the morning workout with "O". I was relieved to find out from The Daughter that O had canceled. My heart leapt at the prospect of having an easy day, or perhaps, dare I say it, a rest day! And then, my mom drops the bomb: "I'm gonna do Shred, you guys are welcome to join me". Oh. Crap. Please. God. No. I figured I'd be a good daughter by helping my mom and move the couch back for her, and even sweep the floor. I had put my socks on only to avoid picking up dust, crumbs, and various crap left on the ground by the many residents of this house (including bugs and geckos) with my feet. However, The Daughter took this as a sign that I was going to work out with Mom. THIS WAS COMPLETELY UNINTENDED. When I saw The Daughter putting her shoes on, I immediately felt a wave a guilt wash over me for not wanting to participate. The only thing to do was put on the big-girl-panties, and the shoes, and join in the fun.

Courtesy of Jillian Michaels

I usually don't like to go in depth about my workouts, but I will say Jillian Michaels is a crazy bitch, and I wish she would include more stretches in her warm ups. I also wish she would tell you on the first set the way you're NOT supposed to be doing the work out, instead of half-way through the second set. By then you've already injured yourself. And she's all like, "No injuries today. We don't want that". It's like, "Yeah no thanks to you, Jilly". Shred is not for the faint-hearted, or for the already cramping, apparently. My muscle tightness spread from right above the ankle, to my entire calf. Thank you for that, Jillian. It was rough; there's no way around it. I was unprepared and unworthy. Please spare my life, Jillian. I didn't know any better. I give my Mom so much credit for making this her primary work out. When it was done, I practically sprinted to the shower. I wanted out of my now RANK clothing.

From the moment I walked out of my last interview on Friday, I'd been waiting on my rejection letters from the various schools. I had already gotten one and I was still waiting on a few more. When I got out of the shower, the moment of reckoning had come. I heard the mail truck pull up, the mail carrier struggle with our mailbox (it's broken), and then drive off. I put on my slippers and walked down (slowly and painfully) to the box. On the walk back up, I saw it: one more letter, just as expected. If I can draw a positive from the rejection, it's that it was much nicer than the ones I've previously received. It made it sound for a moment like they actually considered me for the position. I also got the token, "we wish you luck on your future endeavors". I think that's pretty nice, even if it is a consolation.

But I'm 23...

I will admit, these rejections didn't come from my "dream jobs". I think the thing that bothers me
more than anything is how it messes with my pride. I'm a very proud person, and I admit that to anyone willingly. It's been something that has kept me on a certain path in my life; one of integrity and perseverance. Also, I feel like the clock is running out in my own life. "If I don't start my career now, I'll never be where I want to be by this time in my life". It's a scary thought. What's scarier is the thought that everything you've done up to this point has been a waste. I truly wonder what I should've done differently. I always took the more difficult road in an attempt to get more "real world" experience. I consistently challenged myself, and worked jobs that related directly to my field and covered classroom and administrative duties. According to every professor and supervisor, I was on the perfect track and would be able to find a job right away after graduation. And yet, here I am, six months later, still waiting for a job. It's embarrassing for someone like me to have to face people and say, "I'm still looking". Well, actually, that's not entirely true. I am a substitute teacher's aide at a preschool, but that's not at all where I wanted to be by now.

Here's to hoping that this is all for a purpose, and that I actually am where I am supposed to be. Maybe something greater is on its way. It may be denial, but what else is keeping me going?

Progress: Survived 30-Day Shred, and confident that something better is on its way.

With Love,
Tee

I really do. How did you know?!

Exciting News/Jill's Revenge

   I am so excited to announce the newest contributor to our blog, Tee (also affectionately known as "TOD" or the Other Daughter). You can find her amazing introductory post here. It has been an interesting last few weeks going through this experience with her, and I'm excited she can share her perspective; not just on this journey, but in her life. I'm also stoked to announce my mother's comeback post! It's been a trying few months for her, so I'm glad she got to start contributing again.

                                 
                                   *                                           *                                            *

     Stoked! My neighbor O and I finished two weeks of workouts! We initially committed to working out three times a week together, and I'm thrilled to say we've done it! I'm sad to say it doesn't reflect too much on the scales, but I see the improvement in other ways--I've gotten stronger and some of my clothes are looser now than a few months ago. Yes!
     O and I decided to do the Biggest Loser Cardio dvd again a few days ago and added Sculpt, the weight training dvd. This time I was able to actually keep up with Bob and the gang and felt that my strength and stamina increased. And the weight training dvd was a joy compared to the cardio. Give me weights over cardio any day.
      I felt great. I overcame my commitment issues and fear of that cardio dvd. I could do anything.
      Then came Jillian.
     While I was moving mountains with Biggest Loser, my mother decided to to dust off the Jillian Michaels Shred dvd (you can read her awesome post about it here). When I got back, her face was red and she was exhausted. She told me what she had done, and I was blown away. I remember doing that workout once at my Aunty's house. I couldn't recall all the details, but I remembered the pain. I must've blocked it out at the time because it was so traumatic.
     This morning O texted she was taking a rest day, and mentally I decided I would do the same. I planned on catching up on my blog posts and sipping a cup of coffee--black coffee. I rarely drink coffee unless it's infused with cream and sugar, topped of with whipped cream and a generous caramel drizzle, but I heard black burns fat. Unfortunately it tastes like burnt water. While I was planning my morning of leisure, my mother and Tee had other ideas.
     I saw our pink foam mat placed on the ground in the livingroom and Tee putting her socks on. The furniture was pushed back and mom left to get her workout clothes on. Decision time: do I continue on my path of cool, sweat-less comfort or a painful, breathless twenty minutes? I know I would feel guilty if I didn't show solidarity in my mother and sister's efforts by working out with them. But I also really didn't want to shower twice.  In the end, I (reluctantly) got up from the table and put my gear on.
    Two minutes into the workout, I was dying. The dvd combines cardio and weights, both standing and on the ground. Pushups, jumping jacks, butt kickers, rows, the whole gammit. I think Jillian Michaels herself adds extra pressure. She literally says during the workout "the pain you're feeling is weakness leaving the body" and "I want you to feel like you're dying." Since I am an emotional powder puff made of spun sugar and rainbows, hearing that scares me.
     Somewhere between the chestflyes and reverse crunches, I looked over at my workout mates and saw them beasting it like champs. It's still a process for us all and we had to take rests sometimes, but no one gave up. In the last five minutes I was able to find some strength to finish out the last cardio combination without stopping. (The bicycle crunches at the very end were too much so I paused on occasion, but nevertheless...!)
     There's a fitness quote floating saying "you'll never regret a workout." In this case, it was right.  Jillian's dvd did everything a good workout is supposed to do: work your body, push your mental limits and put the fear of God in you. All and all, it was a'ight. I'm scared to do it again, but it was a'ight.

For those about to shred, we salute you.

Cheers,
The Daughter




  

JM Shred with TD and TOD

Good morning all,

This morning, two days after the Jillian Michaels "Shred" workout, I was more sore than ever.  The only thing that makes sense, since I spent most of my day yesterday stretching those sore muscles, is to do Jillian again.....Call me crazy, but I don't think I can positively effect my sore body without doing the work out again.  It's the only way to hit those muscle groups and possibly get some relief.

To my surprise, my girls consented to do Jillian Michaels with me this morning.....I was stoked!
As we started our ascent up the mountain that IS a Jillian workout, we realized that her warm-up is simply not adequate enough in terms of giving one enough time to prepare for the "butt-kicking" of your life.  Then, like she heard us talking, she slapped us with a barrage of cardio jumping jacks, windmills, and some type of boxing move....I can't really recall what it was because I was just trying to breathe and stand upright.  Before we could mentally process it, we hit the sheer rock-face, of Jillian's strength circuit which consisted of AB crunches,  reverse crunches, back up to J Jacks and shadow boxing then squats with hand weights.  This went on for a while.... I was grateful that my ear hadn't gotten plugged like the workout before, but my harsh exhaling and deep groaning were an indication that I was holding on for dear life.  We were giving it our all; the sweating, the panting, the cussing (not out loud) was slowing becoming a frenzied escalation of panic and about to spill over into a psychotic fit of rage.   All of the sudden, Jillian said "this is the end of the cardio, strength and resistance segment".....We had arrived atop  the breezy summit of our workout!  Ecstatic smiles washed over our faces as we began to stretch and cool down.  It was like looking down from heaven onto the earth below.  You notice the beauty of the oceans and landmasses and cloud formations, but your view is not obstructed by wars, climate change and the requirement of political correctness which has destroyed our ability to tell a joke, give an opinion, or even tell the truth. ( It's amazing how profound you become when your life has been spared by Jillian Michaels).  I felt like a million bucks.

Breathing returned to normal and muscles stopped quivering.  I even noticed that the severe soreness had vanished which made sense on some level to my body.  We congratulated ourselves on our survival.  It was truly a treat to workout with "the daughters." I felt myself trying to keep up with them.  They are very motivating to me.  I hope they had a good time too.

Progress:  20 minutes of Jillian Michaels.....Like climbing a mountain......maybe more activity later.

The Day After a Jillian Michaels workout.

Yesterday I did a workout called "Shred" by Jillian Michaels.....during the workout, while doing the Ab strength exercise, I got a cramp in my stomach.  Today, everything hurts.  You know how bodybuilders talk about leg day and can't walk the day after.....this was similar to that.  My neck was cramping because I pulled on it too much during the Ab portion of the exercise....my biceps, flanks, quads and thighs were sore.  I  figured I would try to stretch and maybe do some other kind of exercise later in the day.

The kids wanted to go to the toy store, so I thought I'd pick something up for them to play with since it wasn't beach weather.....They each got a toy which I thought, would free me up to get a walk in or  maybe I could do a fitness tape.  I ended up becoming more sore so I looked around at my yard and thought that yard work would be the best exercise for today.  It was a beautiful summer day  but I had hoped that there would have been more of a breeze.....anyhow, I grabbed my sickle and headed out to weed the " Bird of paradise" in my front yard.  Tropical plants are so beautiful and after the last pruning session, the birds were really starting to bloom.  TD came out to weed as well.  Earlier that morning TD went to work out with " O " so she really didn't require an extra work out but she did it.

We both started on the Ti Leaf plants and with the lack of breeze and sun beaming down on us started a nice sweat and full body stretch.  I feel so blessed to live where I live with all this beauty to behold.  The muscle pain started to subside and when the sun went behind the clouds, it was very pleasant.  I spent a good 45 minutes outside and felt confident I had a good stretch at the very least.

When dinner came, I was a bad girl.....too much of everything....the only saving grace is that I had not used all my calories from yesterday.....still it was bad but it's over and I hope I can redeem myself tomorrow.  I think that I'll use pictures to fill up my post because it might better describe how I feel today and might be more entertaining.

Progress:  45 minutes of yard work and a Thank you to Jillian Michaels for the effects on my body the day after working out with her....I can still feel it.

Love, Envy, and Other Ponderings While Nursing My Cramping Triceps

Me Right Now

It seems pretty comical, doesn't it? Cramping triceps? It is, honestly. I feel like I've never felt those muscles there do anything before, much less cramp up. I'm almost proud of myself for going that hard. It was during my third (and last) circuit, during the fourth tricep dip, suddenly I felt a tightening of my arms and then OWWWWW the pain hit. I frantically tried to stretch it out; I tried to remember the procedure for side pain. "Do I stretch toward or away from the pain? Toward? MAYBE NOT. Away? MAYBE NOT." All I could to was pace up and down the small space I made for myself in the room I share with The Daughter until the shooting pain seemed to subside to a dull ache. I finished my set promising myself to not "go too hard" and not to make my injury worse. I survived my set, and after logging my exercise, I decided to decompress a little while longer and check my Facebook for notifications I know aren't there. 

So here's the thing that gets my goat, has anyone else noticed the alarming trend of couples going on expensive trips together? All over my newsfeed; Vegas, California, even fricken' Australia! AUSTRALIA?! A FOREIGN FRICKEN' COUNTRY?! I can't even afford to buy a new bra (RIP Lace Black Strapless), and there are people out there, my age, who are going on these big, expensive trips with their sig oths! "Oh, Tee, you're just jealous" UMM YEAH, OBVIOUSLY! However, you all should've known I would be complaining in my blog posts; it's what I do. 

I know, I know

Let's get down to the root of it. Why am I jealous of these guys? Well first of all, I'm not satisfied with my life at the moment. Let's be fair, though. Who actually is? Don't get me wrong, I have a great family, and even a boyfriend. I'm not saying those things don't mean anything, it's just that... don't you want more to your life? Like a job? The ability to go where you want when you want? A new bra as soon as you need one so you don't have to get stabbed by the underwire every time you put your arm down? I'm not discounting my blessings, just wishing for more of them, I guess. To be completely honest with you all, I have these thoughts pretty often. So what can be done about feeling like this? Well, let's put everything into perspective:

PROS AND CONS OF NOT GOING WITH DKK (BOYFRIEND) TO AUSTRALIA

PRO: I'm not sharing a life-changing experience with someone who may not be in my life forever

CON: I'm not sharing a life-changing experience with someone who may be in my life forever

PRO: I'm saving money

CON: I'm not actually saving money because I have no money to save

PRO: I don't have to deal with all the crazy wildlife Australia is notorious for

CON: No con. Ain't nobody got time for poisonous reptiles and flying foxes

Exactly

See! The pros have it! Now aren't we glad we made that list to help us out?! In all seriousness, it's definitely hard to see your peers have all the things you think you want. But when I think about it, none of those things would ever be on my personal radar, anyway. I wasn't raised in a culture of privilege. I don't know what it's like to "live for now". I want to work toward a goal, not wander aimlessly through part-time jobs in order to save up only enough for the next trip, as is the current trend right now among our generation. I'm not saying we should worry more about the future than the present, but instant gratification isn't the way, either. I hope we can all find a balance in our lives, including me. 

Progress: Feeling less sorry for myself than I did yesterday. And three-full push-ups. Yay me! 

With Love,

Tee

Jillian Michaels.....Angel of Death!

Good morning,  Great morning!

After publishing my last post, I felt some relief about revealing the life-issues my family is facing currently.  Identifying that my Mother's condition was having a profound effect on my outlook made a change in me.  It's important to accept that the changes my own family has faced these past months does,  have an effect on your normal and you should not  feel guilty that you have to create a new way of dealing with your life to accommodate them.  Anyone you value, like parents and grandchildren,  impacts not just the day to day, but it gets inside you and challenges the core of who you are and who you need to be for them.  These changing roles put pressure on who you were but due to circumstances, can't be anymore.  These people are valid reasons to reassess and restructure your life and they are truly worth all the changes.  That being said, I do look to God to help me with this new frontier knowing that I, even in weakness have help from something/someone bigger then me.  I am God's child and know my Father will not abandon me, He will make me able to cope and care for those who need me.

I am so grateful that TD has a workout partner that can challenge her in new ways.  I myself sense that my fitness needs are changing and don't what to hold anyone back.  The accountability is vital to seeing results.  Blogging our experiences is part of that process.

I am happy to report that while TD was working out with our wonderful neighbor " O ", I too, did a workout.  Jillian Michaels....one of the most dreaded names in the fitness world and the creator of the 30 day shred, was my choice for today.   I did this workout months ago, but didn't remember just how hard it was.  The sweat was intense and the circuits of cardio, resistance and strength were dizzying.  You really need to breathe during these sessions or YOU WILL PASS OUT!  Jillian is crazy, and crazy is as crazy does.
During this session, I became very aware of the tissue tear I have in my left biceps brachii muscle, shoulder area.  Windmills are difficult.  Any kind of hyper-extension of that area creates tenderness. I finished the 20 minute workout and it was ugly; this is not the kind of thing you do in front of others.  My hair was a mess, clothes were saturated and my face was unrecognizable.  I was not misting, I was full-on, out-of-breath, red-faced, slap-a-veil-on-it SWEATING.  I am still sitting here waiting for one ear to become unplugged.  The good news is I survived and was able to release some of the negative emotions I expressed in my previous post.

It is true, working out is the best way to alleviate stress.  It also changes the thought process because you go from being overwhelmed by circumstances into a place where you are trying to breathe, stay alive and standing, then finally just grateful you have survived the workout.

I am even thankful for the Angel of Death, she does care in her own "whack-job" way.

Progress: Workout done....Outlook good....Rest of the day, to be determined.

The Return

RETURN:  1. To go or come back as to an earlier condition or place.

First, I would like to apologize to "The Daughter" for being MIA for the past few months on our blog project.  We have a surprise to share which is part of my motivation for mustering up the courage to return to our blog..." The Other Daughter" is now on her own fitness journey and has graciously decided to share her experiences in "Blog" format with our faithful and true host "The Daughter."

I have read some of the recent blog entries and am grateful that TD continued in my absence.  There are no excuses to give.  I simply got busy, distracted, unmotivated and so forth and so on.  I pretty much have not accomplished anything during this past few months for myself physically.  I think this is what happens when you allow yourself to become distracted by "life" and then end up realizing you should not have let go of moments that could have afforded great strides in health and well-being.  I try not to dwell on my failures because I am making an attempt to pick up where I left off.  So, here we go again and I hope to do better this time.

My walking routine was interrupted, but there were several good walks and workouts that thankfully are in recent memory.  The great thing about life is that everyday is a new start, if you want it to be.

We went for a walk yesterday, TD, TOD and myself.  Mind you, summer is in full swing and the Hawaiian trade winds were simply nonexistent so, it was a sweat fest of sticky, itchy yuck.  There was just enough incline on the hill we encountered to give the glutes quite a sting and the calves a bit of a stretch.  Overall, the distraction of pain overcame my guilt over not doing the daily thing.  I felt that familiar voice telling me "okay, keep it up and we'll forget about the past."  The walk was a nice stretch of the legs and ended with a few minutes of resistance exercise.

This blog, I hope, will be something that blows new life into my desire to share my fitness experience with my daughters and maybe others.  To be honest,  lately I have felt old and unable to overcome some of the thought patterns that have shaped my life into it's current state.  I feel like my thought processes at the beginning of the year have changed.  The BS of trying to trick myself into doing something I need so desperately is lost.  The harsh reality I face today is that if I don't change, I might never be able to. That is not funny.  There is no way to trivialize or rationalize this.  Thinking I'm too old is deadly for me.  They say you are as old as you feel, well today, I'm feeling very old and don't like it.  I find myself raising my grandchildren and also occasionally caring for my own mother.  My mom has taken care of herself for the majority of her life, but now needs help remembering what day it is and requires pep talks every few minutes just to make it through the day.  The peace she once knew and deposited in me is now gone.  Mom can't remember what peace and happiness feels like.  We have a very strong belief in God and even that is being challenged by the day to day struggle to find something positive to hold on to.  I feel pressure on all sides and am searching for a new normal for myself.  These are the harsh realities that have affected me the past 4 months.

I know this one thing, if it wasn't for my daughters, I would not be writing this post today.  I appreciate them for valuing me, helping me, and encouraging me.  I hope my playful, carefree self re-emerges, but for today I am returning and this is where I've been.

Progress: I'm here.

What Exactly Is a Swolemate?

Apparently I'm supposed to introduce myself. I'm Tee a.k.a. The Other Daughter (TOD), the youngest of this clan, the newest on this fitness journey, and the world's best macaroni and cheese and scrambled eggs chef (according to my nephew and niece) (also, separately. Mac and cheese in scrambled eggs or vice versa sounds gross). I hold the distinction of being a college graduate, unemployed, and having abnormally tight muscle groups, all of which you will be hearing about throughout my posts. I also enjoy romanic candlelit dinners and long moonlight walks on the beach. Just kidding; I need to be able to see my food before I eat it and sand is a bitch to get off your feet in the dark.

It's been an interesting journey for me since I graduated in December 2014. Having no jobs lined up, everyone said, "Oh, enjoy your time off", "It won't last forever!", "You're so lucky you have nothing to do!" But what pretty much every single person failed to mention was that after being at home for six months straight, you'd develop a minor social phobia, shaky self-esteem, and resort to cutting your own hair due to lack of funds. However, I'm not here to complain. I've been fortunate to learn a lot about myself in this time at home. For example, I validate myself by what I'm doing with my life outside my home, which is not a good thing, obviously. Also, I should not be allowed to cut anyone's hair, including my own. 

I've also learned how ridiculously difficult it is to get a job nowadays, even for college graduates. Since January, I've applied for everything under the sun to no avail. It's like, even the jobs that don't require experience want someone with MORE experience than what I have. Basically, everyone seems to be hiring, but no one is hiring me. Or The Daughter. The Daughter is in this boat, too. Since the beginning of the month, I've experienced an influx of calls for interviews from people who are actually considering hiring me. So far, nothing much has come from it. I'm still waiting to hear from a few places but I'm less than confident. Part of it is completely discouraging, but if there is any silver lining to this cloud, it's that I'm pretty sure the rejection entitles me to a level of dissatisfaction and bitterness than an employed person isn't allowed.

Other than that, I don't know what started me on a fitness binge at the beginning of this month. Part of me is pretty sure it happened out of sheer boredom, or maybe there's a greater force drawing me to the prospect of sore muscles and multiple showers a day. I'm nearing the end of my second week of this "challenge", but I know I should be treating this more as a lifestyle change than just something I'll do for a month and then see what happens after that. One important thing I've learned is that most stuff has WAY MORE calories than I initially thought, and I eat WAY MORE calories than I initially thought. That, I think, is the biggest challenge right there. The eating.

You all need to know this right now; I LOVE FOOD. I LOVE TO EAT. I love the way I feel when I eat something totally delicious. I reward myself with food. I reward others with food. My day revolves around what I'm eating for dinner, or lunch, or breakfast. Food is my bliss, and I like to follow my bliss. I have a debilitating weakness for chips, particularly Pringles. I find that pastries have a calming affect on my life. I look to red meat as everything I want poultry to be. Chocolate anything and custard pie are my true friends. According to my neighbor and good friend, food is fuel. My problem is I see food as anything but that. Food is a celebration of all things lovely. Food is a companion. Food is love. And to be brutally honest, when so few things in my life give me joy, I'm not sure if I'm willing to change my mindset toward the charms and allure of high-fat, low nutrition treats. I need something, yadamean? Please please PLEASE don't take that away from me!

So to close this introductory post, let's recap: I'm Tee a.k.a. The Other Daughter, I'm not physically flexible or employed, I'm bitter, and I love food. I also have a bad haircut. Okay, that's not totally true. I'm not bitter all the time, just at the moment. I apologize. I had another job interview today. Don't worry though, the haircut bit is true. Anyway, I look forward to sharing my journey with you, and I hope I provide you with someone you can relate to. I wish you luck on all your adventures, fitness and otherwise.

With Love,
Tee