Another Day, Another Cramp, Another Rejection Letter

You said it, Lilo.

Yes, as the title implies, it's already been somewhat of a disappointing day for the Tee-meister... and the worst part is, it's only 10:30am. I woke up this morning with a mean cramp in my Achilles, and pondered the morning workout with "O". I was relieved to find out from The Daughter that O had canceled. My heart leapt at the prospect of having an easy day, or perhaps, dare I say it, a rest day! And then, my mom drops the bomb: "I'm gonna do Shred, you guys are welcome to join me". Oh. Crap. Please. God. No. I figured I'd be a good daughter by helping my mom and move the couch back for her, and even sweep the floor. I had put my socks on only to avoid picking up dust, crumbs, and various crap left on the ground by the many residents of this house (including bugs and geckos) with my feet. However, The Daughter took this as a sign that I was going to work out with Mom. THIS WAS COMPLETELY UNINTENDED. When I saw The Daughter putting her shoes on, I immediately felt a wave a guilt wash over me for not wanting to participate. The only thing to do was put on the big-girl-panties, and the shoes, and join in the fun.

Courtesy of Jillian Michaels

I usually don't like to go in depth about my workouts, but I will say Jillian Michaels is a crazy bitch, and I wish she would include more stretches in her warm ups. I also wish she would tell you on the first set the way you're NOT supposed to be doing the work out, instead of half-way through the second set. By then you've already injured yourself. And she's all like, "No injuries today. We don't want that". It's like, "Yeah no thanks to you, Jilly". Shred is not for the faint-hearted, or for the already cramping, apparently. My muscle tightness spread from right above the ankle, to my entire calf. Thank you for that, Jillian. It was rough; there's no way around it. I was unprepared and unworthy. Please spare my life, Jillian. I didn't know any better. I give my Mom so much credit for making this her primary work out. When it was done, I practically sprinted to the shower. I wanted out of my now RANK clothing.

From the moment I walked out of my last interview on Friday, I'd been waiting on my rejection letters from the various schools. I had already gotten one and I was still waiting on a few more. When I got out of the shower, the moment of reckoning had come. I heard the mail truck pull up, the mail carrier struggle with our mailbox (it's broken), and then drive off. I put on my slippers and walked down (slowly and painfully) to the box. On the walk back up, I saw it: one more letter, just as expected. If I can draw a positive from the rejection, it's that it was much nicer than the ones I've previously received. It made it sound for a moment like they actually considered me for the position. I also got the token, "we wish you luck on your future endeavors". I think that's pretty nice, even if it is a consolation.

But I'm 23...

I will admit, these rejections didn't come from my "dream jobs". I think the thing that bothers me
more than anything is how it messes with my pride. I'm a very proud person, and I admit that to anyone willingly. It's been something that has kept me on a certain path in my life; one of integrity and perseverance. Also, I feel like the clock is running out in my own life. "If I don't start my career now, I'll never be where I want to be by this time in my life". It's a scary thought. What's scarier is the thought that everything you've done up to this point has been a waste. I truly wonder what I should've done differently. I always took the more difficult road in an attempt to get more "real world" experience. I consistently challenged myself, and worked jobs that related directly to my field and covered classroom and administrative duties. According to every professor and supervisor, I was on the perfect track and would be able to find a job right away after graduation. And yet, here I am, six months later, still waiting for a job. It's embarrassing for someone like me to have to face people and say, "I'm still looking". Well, actually, that's not entirely true. I am a substitute teacher's aide at a preschool, but that's not at all where I wanted to be by now.

Here's to hoping that this is all for a purpose, and that I actually am where I am supposed to be. Maybe something greater is on its way. It may be denial, but what else is keeping me going?

Progress: Survived 30-Day Shred, and confident that something better is on its way.

With Love,
Tee

I really do. How did you know?!